Blue Man

By: Claire Ryan

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there were two kingdoms. The Thintassia Kingdom was led by King Blue Man, and all of the people tried to be like King Blue Man and eat as little as possible. “Skinny is beautiful, skinny is beautiful,” the King would exclaim; the crowd would go wild. Food was outlawed in Thintassia Kingdom, but the occasional grotesque plebian would sneak a one-hundred-calorie pack, or even a blade of grass. Despite their boney beauty, sadly, the kingdom was dying.

On the island across the sea, there was the Obesintopia Kingdom. Queen Lardmia would exclaim every day, “Big is beautiful. Big is beautiful.” The crowd would go wild. All day every day the entire kingdom would eat. Portion control was outlawed, as were all diet products, even diet coke! Despite their massive beauty, unfortunately, the Obesintopia people were dying of heart failure and clogged arteries.

 One day, King Blue Man was discussing with his royal attendants. One of them spoke up: “King Blue Man, I hear across the sea Queen Lardinia is making everyone very fat! I believe it is our duty to reform the brutish people, and make them skinny and beautiful.” King Blue Man thought and thought: “I believe you are right! We shall make a plan.” He thought awhile longer, then said, “We must steal all of their food and throw it in the sea, thus making them skinny just like us.

“Hooray!” the attendants cried. “We can make the whole world skinny, too.” The next day, King Blue Man ordered his terribly skinny army to board the boats and attack the Kingdom of Obesintopia. All was going as planned until they reach the island. As they snuck up on the Obesintopia people and prepared to steal their food, they realized they did not have the arm muscle to lift even the smallest Big Mac!

“Oh No!” they cried, “What ever shall we do?” After much thought, the Thintassia army decided to all work together, and ten at a time lifted the bits of food. Unfortunately, Queen Lardinia rolled over and noticed the tiny people taking her food! “Terrorists, Terrorists!” she cried, but no one in her kingdom was fast enough to catch the Thintassian army.

After the army retreated, the Obesintopians were outraged, and an all-out war began. Because of the lack of strength from either side, the war was slow going. Finally, Queen Lardinia came up with a plan: “We shall eat the little people.” The crowd went crazy.

As the little people came to attack that day, the Obesintopians held their place, taking bites at whatever came their way. But alas! Two can play that game. The little people bit right back! By the end of the battle, all people were missing body parts, but the little people were bigger, and the bigger people were smaller. Not able to tell who was on which side any longer, they decided to make amends, and live as one happy healthy-sized Kingdom.