cheat codes

By: Sofia Calavitta

she could’ve found
anyone, I know, the boys
who promised her better in the
beginning would be
baffled if they
knew because she
didn’t choose
anyone (she chose me)

she settles for peter pan
and Maryjane on his shoulder
and I am left here to wonder
if we will ever be
Together with a capital
T, if lowercase kisses will ever be
autocorrected to kisses with capital K’s and if pinky promises will stay on our pinkies instead of the other four fingers I hold and if she will ever be mine instead of

I spend hours thinking about us, things like shower water pounding the back of my neck, the warmth brings a smile but I’m still cold when I get out,
Fragonard should’ve painted me looking up her skirt as he pushes her away,
Memories pull her back like gravity but the mistakes he made push her out again and if only I could get a
grip and pull her down to
earth I swear she'd be
better off in my

I promise you a danger that’s
Sweet whiskey, sensual and secondhand, locked doors and bedroom eyes and one spoon for a gallon of ice cream; I promise you magic and butterflies and staying up until four-thirty to listen to each other talk, I promise you love like religion and he’s the catholic church you can’t stop praying to, babygirl I promise you sea tides and skinny-dipping and understanding above all else.

You take him like your first drag and it burns so good, you said it could’ve been anyone but you just needed to kiss someone, you said you don’t know why you’re still with him and you’re lying,
falling out of love with him was falling off the moon and back and you’re burning up in my atmosphere, but
he stopped being your late-night call
and now it’s me
he stopped being your god
and now you’re lost but
at least I am too, because he
stopped being everything and
everything is starting to be me.

Where are we in the ouroboros of your
sexuality, because sometimes you say you
aren’t cheating and I
can’t tell if you
mean it or