constantly muttering to yourself
a constant hum in the back of your head.
carrying conversations with the walls around you
this is normal mom,
leave me alone mom,
I want to eat in my room tonight mom,
I can’t talk right now mom.
buzz-buzz, buzz-buzz
your phone vibrates, mimicking a heartbeat
his heartbeat
the heartbeat you felt in your throat when he kissed you on the forehead
the heartbeat that synchronized itself with yours
thump-thump, thump-thump
your eyes shine and the medicine kicks in
your pupils stretch
your head fills with nonsensical words you don’t know how to say
or spell
everything is fine
your hands stop sweating
you can’t remember if you are breathing
you can’t see
everything is fine
the walls are dripping you can feel them
hot on your face
drip, drip, drip,
no light in your room, but everything is white and gold
shimmering
you wish
coming down
slowly and then you fall
you feel it pulling behind your belly button
no that’s something else, wasted food
swish, gurgle, pop, growl
you barely make it to the bathroom
swish, swirl, swish, swirl
wiping stomach acid off your face, you can’t wait,
wait to do this again tomorrow.
everything is fine.