I found myself
staring out of my bedroom
window,
my eyes followed the footsteps
of the strangers walking below me.

I studied their walk,
their smile,
and the way their eyes lit up.
Then I studied myself,
my walk,
my smile,
and the way my eyes lit up.
I wondered who I was.
I wondered if I was ever good enough
and if I could ever be
what they wanted me to be.

I did not see myself
as what others said I was:
funny,
strong,
and kind.

I saw myself
as the contrary:
bland,
weak,
and selfish.

The more I thought,
the more I shattered my perception
of who I was.

The years went by,
still I thought I was the woman
who was bland, weak, and selfish.

I wanted to be a woman
who was
funny,
strong,
and kind.
The one who was
reliable,
promising,
and good hearted.

The motivation did not come from
showing others I could be
who they wanted me to be;
my inducement came from myself.

I wanted to change
and become a woman who
I chose to be.

I struggled omitting
the old and bad habits of mine
and as I slowly reached
who I wanted be,
my perception of myself
was quite pleasing.
I was seen as a woman
who I wanted to be
from not only me,
but from the world that surrounds me