Ordinary School Girl

By: Hridya Kakumanu

I am an ordinary school girl,
I have homework,
I have assignments,
I have essays,
and I have tests.

I have lots of things to do,
lots of places to be,
lots of goals to accomplish,
lots of deadlines to make,
and lots of things to think about.

I have extracurricular activities,
a violin to play,
an Olympiad to compete in,
a piano to make music on,
and a tennis court to hit the ball back and forth.

I have opportunities,
choices to look at,
decisions to make,
chances to take,
and a selection to pick from.

But all of these things add up,
and together they cause stress,
pulling, pushing, playing with my brain,
creating tension,
and it keeps on building.

Finally I blow up,
Something explodes inside of me.
Because I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t handle it.

Then I turn into this sad little girl.
Confused and hurt.
Lost and wandering.
Trying to figure things out…
I feel small and powerless.

I lose all control,
bringing out the monster in me.
Tearing me to pieces.
Not being able to sleep at night,
I’m worried about the future.

My future determines the rest of my life.
No goals means no good grades.
No good grades means no college.
No college means no job.
No job means no life.

This stress is chained on to me.
It’s crushing my spirit.
It’s ruining my happiness.
It’s taken away my freedom,
and all of my time is gone.

I barely have time for anything.
Barely any time for friends,
or movies,
or musicals,
or games.

I always ask myself – what if?
What if in the end all of my work doesn’t pay off?
What if it doesn’t get me what I worked so hard for?
What if my life goes to waste?
What if I’m not meant to do anything?

Sometimes I wish I could create more time…
but I can’t.
I have no magical powers…
and I have to use my time very carefully.
For I’m nothing but an ordinary school girl.