a halmoni's recipe
one with withered paper
scribbled calligraphy
rustic annotations
a dilapidated polaroid
i see as an ember of burning reels of film

boyish and coyish boy
flitters like an amorphous shadow
that is half as dark
because the light that shines
is only half as radiant

he is a stranger and myself
often one in the same
yet he is blind of what lies ahead
of what is right in front of him
dreams of a la la land

the viscous dough congeals to my hands
the roux over the hotplate never seems to set
there’s no difference out from in;
i sense and am
the dough that sticks
the effervescent roux that never thickens

limbo: the nothingness between life and void

my palms press into the grains of the rolling pin
the tiredness of my bones
seeps into the tissue of my marrow
ripe empty vessels for sorrow
is this my reparation for a lost heritage?

tears of a muted spirit
fall through the cutting board
like a wisp of ethereal moonlight
yet the boy tells me
i cry because I’m chopping scallions.

Note:파팬케이크 is Korean for “scallion pancakes”