the purple lights start to fade, the crowd dying with them.
     your eyes once hidden in the crowd glow vermilion,
     failing to camouflage themselves beneath the shadows
     of your white pupil, an outcast among the filthy onyx pupils
     bulging at the centers of the undressed dancers’ eyes.

you accept a joint from a stranger’s hand,
     letting a choreographed train of smoke
     exit your lips and into mine, leaving
     me with a sore throat, a violent cough,
     and the inability to speak. you let your torso
     sink into the velvet cushioning lining the wooden walls,
     pinching your arm to keep yourself alive and
     focusing your eyes on the life of the party.

your spirit dies as the strangers once around you
     crowd around a young girl in sparkling gold,
     offering an assortment of unmarked pills,
     convincing her to let herself forget for a night.
     they point to you,
     telling her that you did the same
     a year or two ago
     and are so much happier now.

your drugged smile falls into a flat line dividing the upper and bottom halves of your face.
     a red light appears just to illuminate the blank slate you painted,
     highlighting your lips and long lashes that keep your enemies drawn.

“it’s dawn —”

you take my hand and lead me through crowded door frames
     and a rug permanently stained by the scent of the shattered bottles
     (not the floral perfume).

the light turns blue

and the sunlight unveils the swirls of gray that lurk beneath your white pupils.

i’m on your bed and i ask to leave,
     but your feminine hands grasp
     my waist, begging me to stay.
     you pull a strand of graying hair
     behind your ear as a beam of sunlight
     shatters the closet door and takes
     your face to a sea of wasted paint.

i run from your grasp, tearing down the bolted door,
     panting with this pungent shard of glass still in my side.
     but when i open my eyes i start to scream i have to leave
        let me die i don’t need to stay i can’t
be here please let me out please i have to go

alas

the purple lights start to fade, the crowd dying with them.