the void beckoned.
i stood softly
quaking
afraid
what is there is to do in the void?
i pondered quietly
the void answered,
nothing.
perfect.
i replied
i need time
i need time
i need time

i need rest

i’m tired of reds , blues
if i see oranges and greens i’ll scream
i can’t bear seeing his face
i can’t live on this planet anymore

i want to go to you
i screamed into the void
the void laughed
everyone does, my dear
everyone wants to think they’re special for wanting what they can’t have
i am not yours to have, however
i am my own

i kept screaming.

i kept searching.

searching for a lack of color
searching for a reason to be
searching
always searching

lost but never found
wondering what makes up the stars
wondering what causes the sky to be blue and the grass green
is my green your green?
what do you see when you look into my pink cheeks and blue eyes?
are my blue eyes the same as your brown?
are we the same?
are we entirely different celestial bodies?
am i a galaxy or am i an ant?

i kept screaming.

i think i forgot who i am.

i remember your fingernails
i remember your belly button
i remember the smell of your kitchen when your mom makes grilled cheese
i smell smoke.

i miss your dog.
am i a part of the infinite span of time?
do i breathe in seconds or minutes or years?
what happened to last week?
it’s right now and later and in the past
it’s more than it seems

i am more than i seem.

is my time your time?
do we run at the same speed or am i in fast forward?
i am caught in a fast forwarded loop replaying the same fate
faster than i would like.

faster than you it seems.

i miss your dog.

do you remember when we drove around on the moon?
i think we were a thousand years old by then.
i think I forgot who you are.

i am aware of the entire universe in my pink , shriveled brain.
i am tired of pink
i am tired of blood red and sickly yellow
i relish in the lack of everything.

the universe in my cranium is expanding
i don’t know what it is expanding into
where is it going?
can i go there?
before there’s anything
i want to rest and sleep in the nothingness that is the non-universe

i am made of antimatter
i am fundamentally repulsing all atoms around me.

where did the time go
where did you go
you are the entire universe and i am suffocating in you
i am drowning in your pores
in your eyebrows
in your eye crinkles
in between your toes
in your ears
you’re crushing me
i can’t breathe
i can’t breathe
i can’t breathe
let me breathe
i can’t breathe

the void asked me where i went.
i thought you were ready
the void spoke softly
i don’t need you
i moaned
i’m hungry for more.
i need his eyes
i need his chest
i need his fingers
i need more i need more I NEED MORE
i screamed
the void quaked
afraid

the substance i am abusing seems to be made of the night sky
i am addicted to blue
i overdosed on the clouds
i breathed in the quantifiable size of everything that has ever existed.

the trees turn towards you
the sky bends towards your force
the birds, the bugs, the monsters follow and stoop to your power
i think you used to be a god

i think we all used to be gods
i am trapped
my immortal body is floating
my impenetrable armor is permeated 
with reds, oranges, greens, blues, yellows
i think i am dying.
i think i am fatally mortal
i wish i wasn’t a god
i wish i was in the void

i miss your dog.