I don’t want to be a memorial post-
Just something someone made, to remind people that I was here, once…
I don’t want to be a polaroid!
A picture… tacked up on your wall, corners bleached by fairy lights as you forget I’m here at all-
I don’t want to be a memory.
That keeps you up at night-sit! Bolt upright- and wonder, if I could’ve won this fight..?
I don’t ever want my presence-
To invoke sadness,
In you-
I care,
Too much- to hurt you… this is the least that I can do.
Because you all seem to forget,
The reason that I left-
Why I’ve only come back,
Now that we’re bereft…
You appear to have forgotten
Who’s hands gave ME these scars
And now you paint THEIR memory
Eternal in the stars?
I know they aren’t dead!
Just quite far away…
Yet you cry for them and every day
I feel the eyes of the picture-
Tacked up there on the wall
As the ink pierces and bleeds into me,
Staining soul and all.
I don’t want to be a memorial post.
I don’t want to pass the blame.
But here is your reminder-
Of my claim to fame
I have fought to be here
Myself my own worst enemy,
I already hate me- so I’m sorry I let you get to me
I’ve made my few mistakes,
Lessons have been learned.
But none of those mistakes
Earned the way I burned!
The guilt sits not on you,
Nor on your kin or friends,
It sits upon the shoulders-
Of those who kept you in.
Who shuttered doors and windows,
And locked the theater tight.
Who took away from me… Everything.
As if they had the right.